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White Heat

29 Mar

White Heat

New York City Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Kelsi Dagger Spring Shoe and Handbag Campaign, strappy heel sandals, feather skirt, denim jacket New York City Fashion, Lifestyle, Travel Blog: Kelsi Dagger Spring Shoe and Handbag Campaign, strappy heel sandals, feather skirt, denim jacket

I really connect with the writing of Anais Nin, and these words in particular are certainly striking a chord at the moment…

I try very hard to be an optimistic person. I think that, for the most part, I am. I look for the good in people and I see the good in things. I am frequently disappointed and sometimes pleasantly surprised. Occasionally I feel really sad for no reason. And when I do, I feel guilty about feeling sad. I say things I don’t mean because I am angry for the “wrong reasons” (or maybe they aren’t even wrong!?). I also have this tendency to, at times, make decisions without fully thinking them through. Though I have to commend myself for being pretty good at picking up the pieces when I do break shit…perhaps “well seasoned” would be a better way to put it.

I am highly emotional and extremely rational, but rarely both at the same time…something that creates an internal conflict. Not only that, but it also causes a lot of problems when it comes to the “normal” people in my life who I LOVE. You know, the people who are not in full rebellion against their own minds.

I think maybe my heart beats harder and faster than it should, and my thoughts are very busy running a race with no finish line. There are times when I try to do everything and feel as though I’ve accomplish nothing, which tends to result in that fun little thing called debilitating anxiety. At the same time, I might wake up the next morning, ready to conquer the world. So much wavy fluctuation and frivolous fighting – all of which is ignited by this internal “white heat”.

The mind is a powerful, miserable, confusing, beautiful thing. But at the same time, I think we are all wired a certain way for a reason…and that tangled web of wires is what makes us unique. It’s the fucked up quirks, internal battles, acknowledgement of weaknesses and strengths, etc. etc. that ultimately build character and make us who we are. I hope I am on to something here…

*photography by Jono Bernstein // photo from the Kelsi Dagger Brooklyn spring campaign